They say life is about the journey and not the destination.. they say right. That's because the journey itself is far more enriching and rewarding than the destination. That's because it's the journey that changes you as a person and the person you become at the destination is a result of that journey, of all those experiences and all those ups and downs. And sometimes when we're in the "downs" of life we don't realize what it's doing to us or what it can do to us. And understandably so, because not much is going our way then and what is most needed of us blind faith, and to be very honest, I am not the best at that. But what is crucial is to not overlook how it has changed us after things are all sorted out. Because in my opinion, that's what the journey was about to begin with. The times when we show perseverance in the face of many setbacks, some kind of underlying faith (even a little of it) in the face of absolute fear, and the ability to be able to look at the things going right in the face of many things going wrong.
In my life so far, I can't say that everything has gone my way - I'd be lying because there have been things (and some important ones too) that did not go my way. And coming to think of it, I didn't take away much from it because I don't think I really dealt with it. But I've not really experienced a heartbreak or some big traumatic event that changed me forever. To a great extent, I've been very well taken care of. But what happens with that is that it also doesn't really leave you looking in the depths of your soul - for answers, for strength, for that faith (however little) you have knowing that eventually (but not knowing when) things will work out for the best for you. And today, a little more than 3 months after going through a relatively big setback in my career, I am thankful for the experience. I am thankful to my husband, family and friends for holding my hand everyday and giving me strength to move forward knowing well that there were days I could not find it in myself. Or days when they were just there and just let me be. Because in my eyes, these three months are not about the setback anymore, it represents what I saw in myself and what I found in the depths of my core. The ability to not go into hiding until things "worked out", the strength to face people, the wisdom to enjoy the other things that were working out for me and the gratitude for the people in my life who were there for me. And another thing I learnt, which I've only heard people talk about, is knowing who are the people who truly wish well for you and those who don't. And the litmus test for that is when you see that some people's behavior towards you does not change in any way during your setback - because it was never about what was happening to you in life to begin with. It has and henceforth will always be about who you are. And that's the most liberating feeling - knowing you can just be and they will just be there for you.
But you know what's also most important during the tough phase in life - to be an observer. To speak less and take in more. When things didn't go my way and I met people, I sometimes felt the need to justify my position, or the need to explain to them how it was not the end of my world - on one level reassuring myself when the wounds were still raw but also admittedly on another level to ensure that their perspective of me didn't change. And when I realized that, I tried to stop. I stopped trying to control people's perspective of me in a way. And writing about it now makes me also realize that I actually never really could control that to begin with. And it's also really none of my business. My business in life and on this earth is to live my life the way I want to - keeping in mind my family though. But really nothing else really matters that much. We all have that strength within us to do any thing in life we want to - this whole experience has made me realize that. At one point I remember telling my husband that if this doesn't work out for me I don't think I'll be able to get through it. But somewhere deep down I knew that if this didn't work out, I wouldn't be the same person after it. And I knew that it was going to be in a good way because this would force me to look within in a way I never have before - because at this point I am married and have the responsibility of a house and husband as well, in addition to taking care of myself emotionally. And apart from that, I'm living thousands of miles away from home. It required a lot of strength to get through. It truly did. And it would have been very easy for me to pack my bags and go home and spend my life "recovering" there. But I chose not to. Escapism has never been my style. And I've never believed it in - because it will provide you tremendous comfort that's very short lived - but nothing much to say for yourself or take away for the long term. And you know what the ironic part about waiting for the destination and not enjoying the journey is - sometimes we don't even know that we have arrived. We get so consumed by the "idea" of the destination and the get so lost in the waiting, that we don't even realize we're there already and the waiting is not endless.
But this doesn't just come super easily or naturally also if I may so - you really have to use up every ounce of strength that you have and sometimes it takes you all that to just get through the day and you feel the need to replenish your tank of strength and power. And that's when you just do what you feel like doing - whether it's yoga or pilates, or a good run or a feel good movie or inspirational interviews of other people's journeys or taking a good good holiday or even just getting away when you have the chance to. Because you know the good that will do to you. And don't forget to take the space you need to deal with it. And my biggest strength from all of this - is silence and being an observer. Enough of trying to control or trying to be at the center of things or trying to be the anchor of the ship - let them sail away. In their own direction because none of it was mine to control to begin with. I only have power to live my life and that is more than enough. But be silent, don't talk when you don't feel like it, don't explain yourself when you're just tired of reasoning, don't say anything to fill in the gaps because it's not your responsibility to keep things going. Just be. With all the strength that you have, just be. For as long as you can. Don't quit. Take baby steps, because no matter how small they are, it's a step forward. And don't ever forget to say thanks. And don't lose that faith - wherever in you it might be. At least it's there.
And honestly, I truly am thankful for having gone through this experience. I may never have felt the need to look so deep within otherwise. Or even be the silent observer and realize what they really mean when they say "Silence is golden". It is important in life that things don't always go the way we plan them to - we'd never get a chance to really be the people we can be.
In my life so far, I can't say that everything has gone my way - I'd be lying because there have been things (and some important ones too) that did not go my way. And coming to think of it, I didn't take away much from it because I don't think I really dealt with it. But I've not really experienced a heartbreak or some big traumatic event that changed me forever. To a great extent, I've been very well taken care of. But what happens with that is that it also doesn't really leave you looking in the depths of your soul - for answers, for strength, for that faith (however little) you have knowing that eventually (but not knowing when) things will work out for the best for you. And today, a little more than 3 months after going through a relatively big setback in my career, I am thankful for the experience. I am thankful to my husband, family and friends for holding my hand everyday and giving me strength to move forward knowing well that there were days I could not find it in myself. Or days when they were just there and just let me be. Because in my eyes, these three months are not about the setback anymore, it represents what I saw in myself and what I found in the depths of my core. The ability to not go into hiding until things "worked out", the strength to face people, the wisdom to enjoy the other things that were working out for me and the gratitude for the people in my life who were there for me. And another thing I learnt, which I've only heard people talk about, is knowing who are the people who truly wish well for you and those who don't. And the litmus test for that is when you see that some people's behavior towards you does not change in any way during your setback - because it was never about what was happening to you in life to begin with. It has and henceforth will always be about who you are. And that's the most liberating feeling - knowing you can just be and they will just be there for you.
But you know what's also most important during the tough phase in life - to be an observer. To speak less and take in more. When things didn't go my way and I met people, I sometimes felt the need to justify my position, or the need to explain to them how it was not the end of my world - on one level reassuring myself when the wounds were still raw but also admittedly on another level to ensure that their perspective of me didn't change. And when I realized that, I tried to stop. I stopped trying to control people's perspective of me in a way. And writing about it now makes me also realize that I actually never really could control that to begin with. And it's also really none of my business. My business in life and on this earth is to live my life the way I want to - keeping in mind my family though. But really nothing else really matters that much. We all have that strength within us to do any thing in life we want to - this whole experience has made me realize that. At one point I remember telling my husband that if this doesn't work out for me I don't think I'll be able to get through it. But somewhere deep down I knew that if this didn't work out, I wouldn't be the same person after it. And I knew that it was going to be in a good way because this would force me to look within in a way I never have before - because at this point I am married and have the responsibility of a house and husband as well, in addition to taking care of myself emotionally. And apart from that, I'm living thousands of miles away from home. It required a lot of strength to get through. It truly did. And it would have been very easy for me to pack my bags and go home and spend my life "recovering" there. But I chose not to. Escapism has never been my style. And I've never believed it in - because it will provide you tremendous comfort that's very short lived - but nothing much to say for yourself or take away for the long term. And you know what the ironic part about waiting for the destination and not enjoying the journey is - sometimes we don't even know that we have arrived. We get so consumed by the "idea" of the destination and the get so lost in the waiting, that we don't even realize we're there already and the waiting is not endless.
But this doesn't just come super easily or naturally also if I may so - you really have to use up every ounce of strength that you have and sometimes it takes you all that to just get through the day and you feel the need to replenish your tank of strength and power. And that's when you just do what you feel like doing - whether it's yoga or pilates, or a good run or a feel good movie or inspirational interviews of other people's journeys or taking a good good holiday or even just getting away when you have the chance to. Because you know the good that will do to you. And don't forget to take the space you need to deal with it. And my biggest strength from all of this - is silence and being an observer. Enough of trying to control or trying to be at the center of things or trying to be the anchor of the ship - let them sail away. In their own direction because none of it was mine to control to begin with. I only have power to live my life and that is more than enough. But be silent, don't talk when you don't feel like it, don't explain yourself when you're just tired of reasoning, don't say anything to fill in the gaps because it's not your responsibility to keep things going. Just be. With all the strength that you have, just be. For as long as you can. Don't quit. Take baby steps, because no matter how small they are, it's a step forward. And don't ever forget to say thanks. And don't lose that faith - wherever in you it might be. At least it's there.
And honestly, I truly am thankful for having gone through this experience. I may never have felt the need to look so deep within otherwise. Or even be the silent observer and realize what they really mean when they say "Silence is golden". It is important in life that things don't always go the way we plan them to - we'd never get a chance to really be the people we can be.
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